Deweni Inima : POV Avantha : Chapter 1

Hi guys :). So this is a Fan fiction that I came up with based on Deweni Inima. We have not to this day actually seen Avantha's point of view (POV) on the situations he has faced. It has always been an one sided affair and in this post I try to look at his side of the story. This is the first chapter of this fanfic and if you guys think it is good I would continue it. I want you guys to check out this post and leave your view on this chapter below. If you guys want any other characters point of view you guys can let me know below and I would try my best to respond personally. As you guys know this is a new concept with regard to Sri Lankan dramas and this is my first time therefore I would appreciate it if you guys leave feedback in the comment section. So let's get to business shall we? Hope you guys enjoy :)

It’s been over 3 months since dad’s death. The pain seems to linger as if it is trying to give me more pain. It has come to the point where I really cannot remember a morning in which I haven’t woken up with what seems to a constant hangover. Could life get any worse? Thinking about it now, I cannot remember a point in time in which I have felt more helpless. All my life my dad has been behind everything I did, and even though I did not acknowledge it he has always been a constant source of support and guidance. I hate myself. I hate myself for the person I have been and everything I will be and for the rest of my life I would regret every single moment I had taken Dad for granted. What am I without him? What will I become? What is the point of living with this lingering pain and regret? My mom just seems not to care, she simply goes on with life as if dad never existed, as if she just did not care what has happened to him or for that matter what would happen to me. She continues her daily life with the same naïve outlook on life; she continues to spend her times at spas or doing more shopping and I sometimes wonder whether she really cared. I have not for once seen her, even at the funeral crying with that look over her face of complete devastation that I saw in Udeni auntie’s face. I cannot help but feel that dad knew all along who loved him for who he is and who loved him for his money and that realization alone shatters me.

For many nights now, I have spent outside home trying to find the solution for this lingering pain at the bottom of an alcohol bottle but rather than a solution all I have got are hazy nightmares and a constant pain behind my head as if it is going to explode. No matter how late I am or even if I never come home I just feel my mom really doesn’t care. A/Ls are just a few months away and I haven’t been to school in about 4 months and it has come to the point where I just want to give up. Who really cares about what happens to me? Dad was always looking into what I was doing and wanting me to excel both in my studies and cricket but now who really cares about what happens to me? Grandpa has been in his “moods” constantly since dad’s death and I don’t think he even knows that I don’t go to school anymore.

The only reason I am still living, still breathing, still smiling is because of one reason alone and that is Dewmi. I have had my share of women and that’s even before Samalka, and I have never really stuck to one woman which is apparently trait I got from grandpa. It was just so easy to enter in to a no-strings attached relationship and just let it flow. If, with time I felt like I needed change I could just go on to the next woman without thinking twice about the one I just left. I have to say that it was quite easy to get women when you are Avantha Fernando. I had the fame, the money, the good looks and with a practiced charm I could get any woman my heart desires on her knees begging for my attention. At least, this is what I thought until I met Dewmi.

At first, she was just another girl, just another challenge which I dared myself to win and nothing more. She was Anuhus’s sister and what better way to get at him than through that poor girl and she seems innocent enough to fall for my trap. At least this was the plan until my heart decided to say otherwise. Everything went smoothly until my dreams were filled with her smile and her constant bugging became endearing. At that point I knew that life wasn’t going to be the same again. Here was a girl who knew that I was the devil himself, a girl who knew that I did the worst things possible on her brother but yet she decided to stay back and fix the devil himself. Up until that point of time I did not know that I was a broken person who needed to be fixed. Her gentle nudging slowly replaced my want for a mother who cared, and her playfulness replaced mine with responsibility and for the first time in my life I really wanted to change myself for her sake.

All my life women and friends came behind me for money or my fame, but for once here was a woman who stood behind when everything left me just to ensure I did not give up on my life. I try hard to not show my feelings, I simply cannot bring her into my monstrous life before I decided to change, but change is hard to come by. I try to change my ways but I have gotten used to them and now like a drug I cannot get away from them. I feel it is far too late now. Sometimes I wonder whether I have gone to the point of no return and deep down I just feel that even if I do try I will just be another disappointment and that’s what I fear. She is my life and I fear that I will disappoint her as well and it is too hard to bear to see her hope collapse right in front of her eyes.

I am not worthy of her time or affection and I try hard to show that I will never be the man she wants me to be, yet she keeps coming back and every time she does I feel drawn to her like I have never felt before. What is this feeling I feel for her? Why am I trying to be the good guy in front of her? Why am I trying to push her away even though I know very well I will not survive without her? Her strength and love gives my life hope but I know that if she dares to get close to me she will be destroyed. My actions will destroy her just like they did my dad and I just cannot survive that same earth shattering pain for the second time.

No, it’s easier to push her away and show her that I am a good for nothing guy. Then, at least she will find someone worthy of her love. Yet why am I drawn to her? Why does the simple action of sending her home alone at night cause me to lose my sleep? Why does it cause me to panic and run after her even if I’ll most probably be killed by her dad? Am I going mad? I just wish dad was there, he would have helped, or would he? I just feel life was just better when I was the bad guy. Who am I now? Can I even survive without my life beside me? It’s comforting to lean on her strength knowing that she is out there watching out for me waiting patiently tell I change but what can I give her? I am nothing but a shadow of my former self so will she still be with me throughout my life being my pillar of strength…my mom couldn’t do that and nor could my dad so how can she be there for me even when I am just nothing but a disappointment?

[To be continued…]